Finding Edward ONE SHOT
by chillicrab
Summary: Project: Finding Edward. Destination: Unknown. Where in the world could he be? Bella realised after Edward left that he was only doing so for her benefit, so she's determined to find him. My first fanfic, for a contest, prompt: gift exchange.


**AN: I was planning to make a much longer version of this, Bella's quest to find Edward, all over the place, clues, etc. However the inspiration came from this "gift exchange" contest, and it was limited to 5000 words. I might do the longer version later on.**

**The setting was right after Edward left Bella in New Moon.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

Shock overwhelmed me that I wasn't aware that he was already out of my sight. When I realised he was gone, panic took over shock in an impulse, and I strenuously tried to search for him, running towards the direction of the breeze, only to stumble upon a root of a tree after only a few meters. I looked hopelessly all around me, realising no matter how fast I could run, even without my two left feet, I wouldn't have been able to catch him up. He was gone, and there was no stopping him.

I replayed the scene a hundred times in my head, slow motion on some important parts, studying all the emotions and his facial expressions that were attached to them. By now I had memorised the whole sequence, I could even play it backward. _I don't want you to come with me... I'm not human... You're not good for me... Goodbye, Bella... It will be as if I'd never existed. _It was like there was a 'rewind and play' programmed in my head which was stuck on infinite loop.

_Don't do anything reckless or stupid..._ I paused and rewound. It was the same overprotective eyes that stared back at me, not the distant, cold ones like he put on throughout the rest of the conversation. In that instant, he was Edward the way he registered himself in my mind. I must have turned crazy. Was I over-analysing the whole thing, that I began to plant a seed of hope that he purposely put on that cold façade? I replayed the whole scene again from the beginning, gripping tight to that new angle, that seed of hope, searching for any other clue I had missed.

_Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. _I couldn't see his expression when he said that words, but he was definitely looking away then. Was it just a coincidence that he didn't meet my eyes, or was it because he was trying to hide his real emotions, afraid that I could see them in his eyes?

I rewound more to our less recent conversations. How he repeatedly said he loved me and my existence was his sole reason to live, in so many words. How was it possible that his feelings changed so dramatically that he did not want me anymore? The seed of hope grew as my analysis went deeper.

I pondered on my new revelation. He was determined to leave me and I couldn't have done anything to stop him. Even if I saw through him then, he would have managed to convince me, to _un-dazzle_ me, if necessary. By word or by force. Was there really nothing I could do? Suddenly I felt so powerless, and insecurity as my first natural instinct washed through me. What if I was wrong? What if his feelings had truly changed, and I was holding on an unfounded hope? My body went numb coming back to the same conclusion as I was at the beginning, to believe each word he said, as I always did.

No. I decided that it hurt me more to think like that. I simply couldn't go on living without him. I should nurture that seed of hope, even if it meant I was being delusional. I'd rather be delusional than dead. I had always been an expert in repressing bad memories, so this too shouldn't be a problem. As long as I kept my focus.

_Focus, now._ My seed of hope. To give it a chance, I should know the reason behind his act. Why did he lie?

He was incredulously notorious in putting me in his foremost priority, above all else, above himself most definitely, so this act must have been about me. To protect me? From what? His brother's potential attack upon smelling my blood? That sounded so trivial to me and knowing Edward, he would have come up with a number of solution for that problem without involving him leaving. I kept racking my brain for potential problems, but none of the scenarios fit. I should look at it from a different angle. What benefit did he think I'd get if he was no longer exist? I shook my head. None whatsoever. As far as I'm concerned, my life was meaningless without him, and he should know it. He should, but did he really know how much I feel for him? Did he think I could go on living my life without him, moving on, as if I had never met him? Did he? Silly Edward. That _was_ plausible, the only reason that fit his masochistic character. This was his gift for me, a second chance of life, to free myself from him, from his kind, and the complexity of our relationship. A very thoughtful gift, to my best interest to his best knowledge. A gift that I didn't want, and I wanted to return it. _Yes. I need to find him. _But how?

I looked around to find myself surrounded by darkness. I didn't know how long I had gone, and Charlie must have been home hours ago. I needed a clearer brain to think this through, and this was certainly not the place. I walked back to the approximate direction of the house, with more upbeat feelings than when I started running to find him. I had hope. With that positive mind, I tried to control my fear, to find my way out in the dark. I could see a light, and felt relieved when I realised I wasn't that far away from the trail, and when I could see the trail, I would see the end of it. I walked faster when I was on the trail, and I almost run to the house.

When I got to the house, I saw Charlie on his cruiser sitting on the driver's seat, with his door open. He had left the front door open too.

"Charlie!" I almost sprinted towards him. It was a miracle that I didn't stumble upon my own feet. "What's wrong?"

He got out of the car and he looked so relieved when he saw me. "Where have you been, Bella? You got me so worried!"

"I'm sorry. I... went hiking and got lost. It became dark and difficult to find my way back..."

He hugged me before I could finish.

"Where's Edward?" Charlie asked, holding me on my both shoulders, looking around.

"Why? Why are you asking about Edward?" I was alarmed. What did he hear? Did Edward inform Charlie that he was leaving?

"Wasn't he with you? You wrote me this note, Bells, saying you were with Edward..."

I saw the crumpled note in his hand, and I smiled. Another proof that he still cared. "Yes, I was with him earlier, but he left before I went hiking."

"Don't you scare me like that again, Bella. You should at least tell me when you want to go hiking, I could come with you."

"Sorry that. Never again, I promise, Dad."

After Charlie made sure again that I was okay, I went inside to take a bath, while he sorted out the situation on his radio, to tell people that I was home. After a long bath my head was clearer, and I should not delay my plan any longer. Sitting on my desk, I found a piece of paper and started writing.

_Project: Finding Edward. _

_Destination: Unknown. _

Where in the world could he be?

I could only think of one plausible place, Denali. I remember he went there last time when he was trying to avoid me. If he wasn't there, at least the people there could give me pointers. But where exactly or approximately in Denali? I didn't even know their last names to start looking for them in the phone book.

Was there anyone who could help me? Anyone who would know of his whereabouts? Anyone in his family would know, but I bet by now they had evacuated the house, and knowing the Cullens, they would have been meticulous, leaving no trace behind. Private investigator? _Like that would help._

Could Alice help? Maybe, I should start thinking about harming myself, and actually believing in it. Maybe that might work.

I didn't know how I manage to fall to slumber land that night, because my head was full with different possible ways I could harm myself. I felt sick, but if this could help, even though it meant I would break my final promise to Edward, it must be well worth it. But he might or might not lie, and I might or might not harm myself, so we were sort of even. When I finally fell asleep, my dream was dreadful, I was lying on a dark alley, bloodied and dying. I tried to scream for help but I could not hear my own voice. No one came to help.

*

I stood there with my eyes closed, at the edge of the cliff in the forest. _If I fall from here, it would be... fatal. _This was exactly how it was supposed to be executed. Away from the crowd, no witnesses.

"Bella, don't!"

That voice. How I'd missed it! So far miraculously everything had worked according to my plan. I took another step forward. _This is it. _One more step and I would be falling. Only that less than a second later, I felt an arm pulling me by my waist with such a force, and I was suddenly so far away from the edge.

I heard a growl, then I opened my eyes, finding that pair of eyes so dark and furious looking straight back at me. Another growl. "You promised, Bella!"

"Edward!" I threw myself at him, only to meet his reproaching arms, pushing me two feet away from himself.

"What were you thinking? You want to die? Are you completely out of your mind?"

"What were _you_ thinking, lying to me like that? And you, you broke your promise too, didn't you? You said it would have been as if you had never existed; but here you are, returned."

He was speechless, a rare sight.

"A proof," I continued, seizing the opportunity, "that you lied about the whole thing. You still care for me, that's obvious. In fact, you care for me more than you care for yourself."

"You... planned this?" The anguish in his eyes disappeared, but his jaw was still tight, controlling his emotions.

I smiled, smugly.

"What do I do with you, Bella?" His voice came as a whisper. A rhetorical question, obviously. He dropped his arms to his sides, looking down.

"I love you, Edward. Please don't leave me. I'd really die without you. Maybe not literally, but how could you expect me to have a life, when you took the essence of it away?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this, Bella. You see, you would have moved on, and then you would have a normal human life. It might not happen immediately, it might take a while, but you'll get over it,... get over me. You'll forget. That was my intention. A chance for you to be happy, without me supernaturally complicating you."

There it was. The suspected liar had admitted his charge.

I shook my head. "Not a chance. If I didn't see through you, you would have successfully made me miserable for my entire lifetime, and I would have proven to you exactly that. You would have regretted your stupid futile decision, and you would witness me in the future, as human as you had hoped for, but a wretched one. You would comprehend then that I would have been better off with you, but it would have been too late. I might only have limited lifespan, but happier, with you."

He looked up to meet my eyes. "Would have, could have. Nevertheless, you should have tried."

"How could I, Edward, when a second away from you made me insane?" I tried to swallow my frustration. "At first I believed what you said, and it hurt so bad, I knew it could only get worse. I can't handle a pain like that. My only other alternative was to believe the opposite. It was the only motivation to hold myself together, no matter how delusional the idea might sound." I sighed. "If only you knew how much I love you, Edward. You could never have left. You would have known that it was the worse thing for me. The thought of you not being with me, it's excruciating, worse than anything. Worse than death."

It took him a long time to answer. I stayed quiet, waiting until he thought it through, I wanted him to know that I was dead certain about this. My future, my life.

"It was meant to be a gift, Bella. You can never respond to a gift appropriately, can't you?"

I threw myself again at him, this time he didn't rebuff. I buried my face in his chest. "I don't like this gift, Edward. You'd want a full refund."

"No refund, exchange only." I could tell that he was smiling.

"Exchange it then. I want you to never leave me, no matter how much you think it might help my situation, because you're wrong, and you should know that. That should be my gift. That's what I want."

"Okay." He was still smiling, then putting his arms together, crossed at his wrists, forward at me. "I'm your slave forever. Where are the chains?"

"I'm serious, Edward. If you ever leave me again,..."

He quickly moved one of his hands, holding my chin between his right thumb and index finger. "I won't, Bella. I promise I won't. The thought of you dying,... I was just tremendously relieved that I found you alive, with beating heart and all that. When Alice called, she said I only have 12 hours, approximately. Those were the worse hours I spent in my life." He closed his eyes and touched his forehead against mine.

"Because the point of living would cease to exist, right?"

"Absolutely. You read my mind."

"It's exactly how I feel about you. There's no point on you leaving me, you might as well kill me."

"Ssh, Bella, no talk about killing or dying, please." He held me again in his arms.

"I ought to, actually. There's something I need to explain."

He turned to me, gazing at my eyes. "What is it, now?"

"What exactly did Alice say about me dying?" I examined him, although I already knew the answer.

"She said she saw you standing at the edge of a cliff, in the middle of the forest, with no one around you. She said you were planning a quiet death, with no witnesses around."

"That's all true. She was right, wasn't she?" I mumbled.

Edward looked at me suspiciously, trying to read my mind with whatever clues he could ferret out of my eyes.

"Tell me, you were not going to kill yourself?"

"No. I pre-planned that scene, and Alice knew. It was all my idea."

"You did the same trick to her before, and she came to you." He guessed, but it seemed like he got the point.

I nodded. "I was only thinking about it, testing my water." I paused, looking at his doubting expression. "Okay, okay, I probably was over-thinking it a bit. Turned out she _was _watching me, and she came the next morning after you left. She found me in front of your house while I was trying to find some traces of you or your family, and I was so surprised to see her. She immediately threw curses at me, but ended up consoling me while I was sobbing until my tear ducts all dried up."

"Alice helped you? Traitor!" he exclaimed mockingly.

"Not at first. Took a lot of persuasion to convince her. However, she could see that it would have tortured me as much as it would to you too, Edward, and she is right."

"What do I do with you, Bella?" The same rhetorical question he uttered before.

"Edward, I love you, as much as you love me. There's nothing you can do about that. Please spare me the heartache and stay with me forever."

"As long as you want me to," he said with a resigned sigh, and then planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"That means forever, you know," and I kissed him more intently, as I had never been this contented in my life. I got my gift exchanged, from no Edward to forever Edward. Of course, we wouldn't know what the future would bring, but neither would anyone else, and why must we worry about the future, if we have Alice?

*END*

**AN: I know this means a short version of New Moon, but as I said, I was actually planning to make this as a long quest for Bella to find her Edward. **

**I also realised that the prompt for the contest is "gift exchange" and this is not a typical "gift exchange" story, but I just can't help it.  
**


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